Question about Ativan and also really needing support

I have inner Akathisia and at it's worse my thoughts are really bad like I'm gonna lose control. Propranolol and cogentin aren't helping. The only thing that helps is an Ativan. It calms my anxiety and drastically makes the inner feeling lessen from a 10 to a 2/3. But I know I can't take Ativan everyday forever because it's addicting and can also cause more Akathisia withdrawing from it. I don't know what to do. 😔 yesterday it randomly started getting more horrible, my anxiety skyrocketed, I had depersonalization, impending doom, I took Ativan and it helped so much so now it's like I know it will help but I feel it will cause even worse in the end of all this. If there's even an end. I just don't know anymore 😔 it's like I'm taking medications to keep myself alive and go through it just I don't even wanna be putting more medications in my body. I don't even really know what caused aka this time.
I really need support