AITAH for telling my boyfriend I feel violated?

A few weeks ago I woke up to my boyfriend of 4 years’ trying to stick his you-know-what in me, and I feel violated and don’t know what to do because when I bring it up he centres his own feelings about it and I end up comforting HIM.

I have never said that this was ok to do, in fact it never came to mind he’d do something like this because I told him my ex graped me that way once. It went a bit different that time yeah, he asked, I said no, then I woke up to him doing it anyway.

This time it just happened. I woke up to him dry humping me, then pulling my pants down and trying to enter me. I jumped out of bed and asked what he was doing. He told me because I didn’t stop the dry humping (that he assumed I was awake enough to say anything about at that moment and not actively trying to process wtf is going on) I wanted it. I immediately told him that no, I never want to be penetrated in my sleep in fact that’s incredibly triggering and terrifying for me considering my past.

He started crying and I thought it was because he felt bad for doing something so completely violating but instead he looked up at me and said “Do you really think i’m the kind of guy to hurt you like that?” and then he said that I was cruel for comparing him to someone so awful. I said the actions were what I was comparing, not him wholly as a person, and yes to acknowledge the reality and depth of what he’d done I felt it was entirely necessary to tell him how similar his behaviour in that moment was to my ex’s.

Am I supposed to lie and tell him it isn’t? I can’t consent in my sleep. I am now fully awake and would never consent to someone advancing on me sexually while I am asleep. I thought I made that clear enough but apparently not.

He’s been so distant from me since this whole ordeal. I get one word answers and grunts from him and only when I bring up the incident do I actually get full sentences out of him. But every time, it’s just him telling me how cruel I am for standing by my comparison and how I must not love him if I view him in that light.

I have tried to get him to see my perspective here but it just doesn’t work. He just gets pissy again or he cries or he tells me how I must feel about him instead of just actually listening to how I feel and not doing what he did again. (I originally wrote this for facebook but they removed it and I need advice and it won’t allow me to edit the censored words I’m sorry)