AITAH for walking away from family trying to kill me? When my sister was 20 she tried to kill me.

Now I’m 27 (F) and my sister now 24.

Let’s rewind a bit. I’m home from college for the summer. When my sister was 16 I discovered that she was harming herself. She had fresh cuts on the outer side of her thigh that I noticed when I killed a wasp that landed on her thigh, she had yelled for me to get it off her. The only thing I had on me was my baseball cap so I took that off and used it to wack it off her and stepped on it. After I killed the wasp it then registered that she had small cuts just barely peaking out of the bottom of her shorts. Where the wasp had been. So I asked her how she got those cuts. She tried to play it off by saying when she was shaving the razor cut her because she slipped when shaving and it went sideways. Which one could believe because everyone knows when you’re shaving you definitely can accidentally cut your self pretty good. But I don’t believe her, my gut was telling me she was lying. But at that moment I don’t call her out . I tell her oh be careful shaving is no joke and laugh it off, and tell her I’ve nicked myself pretty good before. The relief she displayed after she thought I bought her lie only intensified the feeling I had. Now we go about our day and I notice little things here and there with her behavior that only make my gut feeling worse. When we get home my sister goes to her room and I go to our mom’s room. My sister has no idea I’m going to go talk to our mom. My sister thinks I bought her lie earlier. Honestly I am hoping I’m over reacting to what happened earlier. Once I get to mom’s room I shut her door and that immediately makes her alarmed to something being wrong. She looks up at me from her crochet project and asks what wrong, what’s going on?? I told her I think something is wrong that I have this gut feeling and I tell her everything from what I noticed on my sisters leg to her weird behavior. Our mom listens and tells me that I could just be overthinking this because she hasn’t noticed anything. I told her I really hope I’m not that she needs to check her because as I’m telling my mom it’s just solidifying in my mind that my sister is harming herself. So our mom yells for her and tells me to sit on the other side of the bed and that she’ll confront her about it. When my sister gets to our moms she looks like she wants to flee once she notices I’m in the room. My mom has her shut the door and tells her I think she’s hurting herself and demands she lift the side of her shorts up to show our mom her outer thigh where I said I saw cuts. My sister is now pissed at me and yells at me that I’m a bitch for telling our mom lies about her. I tell her to prove me wrong then and show us her outer thigh. She then looks to our mom and our mom yells at her to show her now. She does and oh my god was it a sight. She had so many scars and fresh cuts.

When it was discovered that my sister was hurting herself I became her biggest advocate. I didn’t go back to college because she needed me. That’s what my sister told me that she needed me to stay and help her, so I pushed for her help even when our mom gave up on her at times when everyone but me gave up on her. I just wanted her to get help. After 1 and 1/2 years of trying different therapists and inpatient treatments nothing seemed to really help. Over this course of time my sister is not the same sister I had. Now many different therapist said my sister is a sociopath I can’t remember what it’s called now but that’s what they use to call it before renaming it and diagnosed her as such. I don’t know if this seams stupid but when I would look into her eyes I could feel her calculating how to interact with me and she felt soulless. Like my sister is gone and I don’t know who this person looking at me is but they feel evil. This should have been a red flag to me. She never forgave me for discovering her self harm. During these different therapies she said she said only hurt her self for attention and to try to feel and that her cuts were art to her.

Now skipping to the day my sister tried to stab me. My sister is now 20 and I go over to our mom’s house where my sister lives and I walk into them having an argument. I don’t know what it was about exactly but my sister storms off and I ask mom what’s going on but she is fed up with my sisters behavior and brushes me off and heads outside for a cigarette to calm down. So I head to my sisters room and knock on her door, she doesn’t answer but I can hear faint sounds. It sounds like ripping but not like paper. So I try her handle and it’s locked the house has the type of locks that you can open with your finger nail or a butter knife and so I use my nail to unlock it. What I see is horrific there is so much blood I know everything happens so fast but in my head it was so slow. I scream for our mom and I can hear her barreling into the house as I’m running to my sister to stop her. As I’m running to my sister she stabs her own wrist on her inner arm and rips the knife up her arm towards her inner elbow. The sound of her stabbing and ripping still haunts me. I don’t even realize my body was moving to her as I rush her until I grab her hand holding the knife and prevent her hurting herself anymore. She cut about half way up when I reached her. Finally I take the knife from her but I didn’t know there was another knife. Just as our mom gets to the room our mom grabs the discarded knife and screams.

It happens so slow to me. But I know it was fast. I look to my left and see this big knife coming at me and I honestly don’t know how I stopped her. All I know is just as she is about to stab me in the chest I have both hands around her arm holding the knife maybe an inch above my chest. I hear mom screaming as I twist my sister’s wrist until the knife drops and my mom grabs that knife and I throw my sister off the edge of her bed and hold her on the ground. My sister just smiles at me as my mom starts wrapping her arms with clothes nearby and tells me we need to get her to the hospital. Our er is only like 5 min away max going the speed limit. It’s a smaller town. When my mom looks at my sisters face my sister then starts crying and says how sorry she is and that she didn’t mean it, she wasn’t going to hurt me. I ignored her and helped our mom get her to the car. I ride in the back with my sister as our mom rushed to the er to hold pressure on her wounds and my sister is still crying saying how she is so sorry to me. But I can see under the “emotion” she is showing that it’s not real she’s faking it. The er in town knows her well at this point for self harm and her therapist is there when we get there. After they take over I leave the er room and go wash her blood off me and I just remember looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and decide I’m done with her. I’m walking away, I can’t do this anymore. This is the first time she ever did something like this and the last. When I go back to the er room I’ve decide I’m going to tell her I’m done and tell everyone I’m done. When I get there my sister is acting like nothing happened she says hey while she is getting stitches and smiles at me like she’s not just tried to kill me!?? I just look at her and didn’t say anything. So I just turn to our mom and ask if I can talk to her outside for a second and then I tell her I’m done with my sister and I’ll be leaving the area and will no longer have contact with my sister. Mom tells me that I can’t walk away from family and I tell her I can’t I just can’t anymore that I’d like if she doesn’t tell my sister where I am or what my new number will be when I get a new one, that I’d love to get together with my mom and see her still but I just will not have anything to do with my sister anymore. My mom just gets angry with me and I tell her I love her and I leave and walk home. Pack up my stuff and leave. I call our grandparents and tell them what happened and they tell me you can’t walk out on family so I tell them the same thing I told my mom and leave it at that. I moved away and blocked my sister on everything but she just kept making new accounts to get to me so I just deleted everything no socials for me.