Am I (33f) being ungrateful in my relationship with my bf (32m)? Should I be doing more?

Some back story: My bf (34m) and I (33f) have been together for 4 years, we have a blended family, I have 2 children, and he does as well. We both have full custody, so we all live together and have for the past 3 1/2 years (yes, we rushed it, but we didn't have much choice). We were both working when we moved in together, then COVID hit and he was required to work extreme hours because of his job, and we couldn't afford child care, so I left my job to stay at home with the kids and do distance learning/ take care of his youngest infant.

So since we have taken in his 2 children full time (the youngest being 3) I have not been able to work, he works nights and when he gets home, he needs to sleep all day and I have to take care of the toddler.

The house is a mess. I won't deny it. I make the older 3 do some basic chores like cleaning their rooms, putting away clothes, cleaning up living room/dining room or putting away dishes. My bf does absolutely no cleaning whatsoever, and if he does, it's when he's pissed off. The house is trashed and no one cleans up after themselves, they eat something, throw the trash on a table or put it on the couch or cats knock it over, or whatever. They spill things and just leave it unless I'm there to say something. I know I'm the stay at home parent and I know I should do the majority of the work, I know he busts his ass to make money, but I am just at my wits end. I wouldn't even care if he didn't do actual cleaning, if he just cleaned up after himself, or made sure he washed his work clothes occasionally, or at the very least got himself up for work instead of me spending 2 hours going in the room every 10 minutes to try to wake him up. He is responsible for the money, but that is the end of his responsibilities, everything else falls on me.

Am I asking too much to expect him to help out with a few things? I have tried to express my feelings, but it just never seems to go anywhere.