I HATE it when anything encroaches on my free time and it’s ruining my life

I try to avoid or postpone commitments constantly so I always have a free schedule.

I’ll quit jobs, turn down job offers and interviews, cancel dates, delay appointments, avoid booking into courses or committing myself to things so I can have “freedom” yet freedom consists of me doing things in solitude and growing unfulfilled and depressed.

I try to avoid stress and a suffocating schedule, yet doing so has resulted in me being borderline broke and with very little to show for my life at least from a career or relationship perspective. I’ve see parents get overwhelmed with work and friends endure relationship woes so It’s as if the game looks too strenuous and I’ve opted to sit on the sideline instead.

The issue with always having an empty schedule is that can translate into an empty life. Not always - I’ve enjoyed writing music, reading literature etc - but there’s definitely an emptiness. And opportunities seem to get fewer and further between as you grow older.

I do want to embrace m challenges and attacks life with passion and curiosity rather than avoidance, but I’ll need to undo my natural instinct so to speak.

Can anyone relate to this? I really need it to change.